In Kampala they tie you up and terrify you with bloodcurdling threats but on the whole they simply took everything they could carry and left you alone. Going out at night was generally considered safe. But recently there was a rape on the front page of New Vision and a warning letter to parents from one of the international schools. What is happening?
Rape is a complicated subject. By definition it means any sex without consent but clearly some rapes are more criminal than others with terms such as marital rape and date rape clouding the issue further. Rape can be violent, or by trickery, alcohol, or drugs. It is all equally dangerous from a medical perspective.

Let us start with prevention!

Unfortunately bad taste jokes tell a lot of truth. What is the difference between rape and consensual sex? Answer. About 2 hours of bullshit. Or 2 beers. Women violently raped usually come in and see a doctor for immediate medical attention. Those tricked into sex by the same man may come in a lot later or not at all. Why should a rapist be any more likely to give you HIV than a smooth charmer who takes you home after a night out? In fact he is more likely to be infected, as I will explain in the next Eye.
Some travelers and “gap year” NGO workers are asked to fill out anonymous questionnaires before and after coming to Africa. The pre-contract question may be “what is your expectation of sex during your contract?” Usually quite a few men are “hoping to score”. Classically in the post-contract questionnaire most of them did not. However among women hardly any are expecting to have sex in their 6 month tour. But up to a few years ago the post-questionnaires often showed a majority had a one night stand or short term relationship. Almost all by the time they got back home realized they had been incredibly stupid. So why? If 10 women go into a restaurant intending to only have the main course, and 9 of them finish up having the cream gateaux, the waiters must be very persuasive!

Would you like a desert Madame?
No thanks, I have had enough, can you bring the bill?
The cream gateaux is very good Madame
I’m sure it is but no thank you.
I am sure you would really like some: you don’t need to worry about calories.
Thank you, but no
You want have any because you don’t like me!
No really, you are a very good waiter I just don’t want any desert.
I’m going to put it on your bill anyway, so you may as well have it.
I said no!
If you don’t have the gateaux you may have trouble getting your car out.
I want to leave now, please bring me the bill
The gate is closed unless you have the gateaux.
Exaggerated? Talk to a few NGO women working up country. These are real quotes
Sexual harassment was every man, every day, every time we met
Unless I had a boy friend no one would leave me alone
They said I wasn’t friendly
There was no social life at all unless I had a boyfriend.
Whether you are raped, tricked, flattered or threatened into having sex, your risk is the same. The wrong boyfriend is just as dangerous as a violent rapist.
So what to do?
Common sense! These are some of the common denominators we have seen in rape cases.

Alcohol
An article in a UK newspaper a few years ago asked “what drug is most likely to get you raped tonight?” the answer was alcohol by a very long way. Many police districts in UK have never seen a case of the date rape drug, yet women raped going home in a taxi paralytic are reported by the dozen every weekend. If you go out at night intending to dance, have fun, and go home with your friends with no intention of having sex, and you finish up with someone you hardly know or just met, then what is the difference? You have actually had sex without intending to, and you are probably more at risk of an STD then if you had been raped by an armed robber. Many beers here are stronger than in Europe, and hotter means thirstier. 2 bottles and your judgment is shot. So when you go out, make a pact with your friends: we all go home together, we are not letting a smooth charmer split us up. In London you can spot the 25 year old creep who hangs out around the teenage pubs trying to pick up school girls, and you all know he is a sad old letch. So why fall for the same spin here?
Drugs
Never Leave Your Drink! The date rape drug may be rare but we see a lot of women who wake up very late, realize they have had sex, and no idea how they got home. If you smoke pot you are breaking the law, but also liable to make very stupid decisions. Again, make a pact with your friends, we all go home together! If you don’t like my “boyfriend” get me away from him and take me home!
Don’t go there alone!
A lot of rapes we see are such obvious set-ups with hind sight: Like a lift home? Not enough room in one car, so this girl can go with him. See you in a few minutes. Set up! Many are just plain stupid. Would you take a lift home with an unknown motor bike rider at 3.00am outside a disco in Birmingham? So why take a boda boda at night on your own in Kampala?
Night clubs, late night pubs, the adventure scene all attract idle men out to make money from visitors or get laid. If the flattery and trickery fails then no problem, wait until she’s drunk and separate her from her friends. Easy. Offered a lift home by someone you hardly know, a work colleague, your friend’s brother? On your own? Don’t be daft.

Cultural differences.
Cross gender friendship without sex is simply not understood by some men. A lot of rapes involve lifts home, invites to visit as “a friend” etc. For many men any invite to come for a visit is an invite for sex. Any acceptance to visit him is an agreement for sex. You just do not go to a man’s house or room here! It is no good saying NO, when by accepting to go he has heard you shouting YES. To some men agreeing to dance is to say yes to sex, just to smile and talk they will take as an invite to sex! I remember in a bar once a group of girls was dancing and a man joined them. They broke up and went back to their drinks. He pursued one girl, started talking to her, she was backed against the wall, bending over backwards away from him, to anyone from her culture the body language was obvious “get away from me!” But to him, she had danced with him, she was smiling she was talking. 3 big YES to sex.

Don’t be too trusting.
Most of the recent rapes we have seen have been the modern “classical” rape: someone you know, someone you thought you trusted, someone “friendly”. Well I come from Cornwall. 3 million visitors a year all say how friendly the Cornish are. Of course they are friendly! They are making money! They don’t like tourists; they tell jokes about them, laugh at them and exploit them. When you’re out to get what you can, it’s a lot easier if you come over as friendly. Any man you hardly know who comes over all friendly is out to get something, and if it isn’t money then he’s trying to get into your knickers.

Bed time story
A few years ago I was staggering down the corridor to the kitchen for my early morning tea, and saw a strange head in my daughter’s bed. Who’s that? I thought, and tightened my Kikoi. When I got back from work I learnt what happened. An expat student exchange was in Bubbles drunk and asking a group of men if they could take her home? They were sweating in anticipation, and T. and her friends were very concerned. Thankfully without a fight they rescued her from the men, couldn’t decide what to do with her, and decided that the safest option was our house! I never found out who she was, but certainly T and her friends saved her from a 4 man romp. It wouldn’t have been rape; she was totally out of it. But from the perspective of STD’s even more dangerous.

Summary
Most rape can be prevented by sheer common sense
Alcohol is the commonest factor
Rule number 1. We all go home together
Even if you think you know him don’t let yourself be alone with him.
Don’t accept invites or lifts unless there are other friends with you.
We will look at STD’s and what to do after rape or unintended sex in the next Eye.