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Continued from June issue of The Eye.

Adaptation can be difficult for young people returning to what the parent considers to be ‘home’. Remember that (your home) country and culture may not mean ‘home’ to your child. They may feel alien. Movement between international communities is facilitated by similarities of experience and understanding which the students find with one another. Coming in at sixteen to a school where everyone has been since they are eleven, not knowing the social scene, the music, the current ‘slang’ can be traumatic, as can lack of comprehension from the ‘peer group’ as to the reasons for this. Talk of your previous life can be misconstrued as showing off.

Parents themselves may be going through a difficult readjustment, but it is extremely important to understand why your child might be acting out of character, becoming rebellious or withdrawn. So what to do? Speak to the school to request class and individual guidance. Instigate involvement in activities that may not have been available ‘overseas’. Develop strength in your family; make time to talk about feelings and to reflect on positive aspects of the current situation. Encourage continued links with previous peer groups; some schools may even be interested in the enhanced learning which is offered by developing these links in class. And physical activity is always good, physical expression is an outlet for anger and can combat feelings of depression. Never lie to your child about why you are moving or make promises over which you have no control. They will only come back to bite you.

When I had just turned thirteen my brother and I flew out from boarding school to spend Christmas with my parents who had just moved from Abu Dhabi to Athens. My mum announced that she wanted us to go to school there. My brother, at eleven, coming from a cold, rugby playing, Scottish boarding house wasn’t bothered, he just wanted to know if he could play football. But I was at the age and stage to grumble about losing my friends and being fed up with moving schools. To persuade me, my mum promised me that I would never have to change schools again. As it turned out, I loved that school; it was the most memorable and successful part of my education. (If you get posted to Athens, check it out! Campion School: my old Maths teacher, Mr Atherton is now the Head of School)

Two and a half years later we were on the move again. And I didn’t understand why. Not until I was 33 did my mum finally tell me that my dad had lost his job. This small cover up nearly caused a huge family breakdown and certainly had a huge impact on my social and academic adaptation at my next school. Don’t underestimate your children. They can take a lot, but, just like you, need to understand the reasons for what is happening.

Things to remember

Your child’s experience is NOT the same as yours
Moving and adapting as a child can have huge benefits for your child in later life
Good schools are there to help adaptation
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
Don’t keep information from your child, especially when teenagers
Try not to move a child in the middle of a two year exam course.
Talk to your children, don’t underestimate them
Extract the positive from the situation.
But crucially……..

A strong, loving and understanding family is the most important factor in building self esteem and helping a child adapt to change.

Kirsten Durward, PYP Co-ordinator, International School of Uganda.
Kirsten is happy to take suggestions from readers as to educational topics they would like to know more on. She will also answer personal queries (though not always immediately!). email: kirstenmd@yahoo.co.uk